There were S Rank Criminals in My Kitchen
by Akatsuki-Girl1993
Summary: What would you do if when you woke up, 10 imaginary characters were staring at you, being very real? This question and many others present themselves to a 15-year-old girl who has to take care of the Akatsuki for 7 straining, stressful, fun, insane days.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Akatsuki or Naruto. Akatsuki and Naruto are a copy right of Masashi Kishimoto. They belong to him and the Anime corporation. This story is completely fan-made, and is in no way associated with Masashi Kishimoto or the Anime corporation. There. Now no one can sue me. **

Introduction:

Hi. I'm Maddie. I'm your typical North American 10th grader. My hair is dark brown and shoulder length. And my eyes are brown. I have a normal body type too. I don't have huge boobs, but I do have them, my butt is like a bouncy castle, and I have a squishy stomach. But I love everything about myself. So, I'm here today to tell you the story of the hardest week of my life: The week Akatsuki came for a visit. I swear, it was like having to baby sit 10 kids that were VERY good at escaping. And I had to hide them from my sister. How do you hid 10, fully-grown, S-rank criminals?! They don't like being told what to do, especially if the person talking is a 15-year-old girl. Ok, hope you find the toughest 7 days of my life amusing!

I slowly opened my eyes, letting them adjust to the light. "Mmm… Maybe I'll sleep for just a little longer. It IS summer vacation." I mumbled into my pillow. I rolled over and gaped at what I saw. 10 people, 9 guys and 1 girl, all standing around my bed, watching me. If I hadn't just woken up, I probably would have had a more logical reaction. But I did the first thing that came into my head. "AHHHHH!!" Scream my ass off. All the people jumped back. They all started talking, but they must have been speaking a different language, cause it sure wasn't English. I pulled my blankets up over myself, leaving only my head uncovered. _Who are these people? _I thought for a moment. Then I saw what they were wearing. Long, black coats with red clouds on them. "Oh. My. Frickin'. Gosh. You're the Akatsuki! The frickin' Akatsuki is in my room!" I said, not believing what I saw. They stopped talking when I said their name. I sat up and said, "I've got to be dreaming." I pinched my face then started hitting my head while saying, "I'm dreaming. Wake up. They can't be real. I must be going crazy or something."

I stood up and walked over to whom I knew was Pein. I was about to poke him when he grabbed my arm, stopping me from touching him. I screamed again and yanked my arm back. They covered their ears and started talking again. I'm guessing they were speaking Japanese, but I knew they were saying for me to stop screaming. Itachi, the only one who hadn't said a thing, walked over to me and looked me in the eyes. _He's trying to use his sharingon on me _I thought. "Your sharingon won't work. We don't have freaky powers in my world. Well, we have some, but not sharingons." I explained after a few moments. Itachi looked puzzled when nothing happened. He grabbed Kisame, pulled him closer to himself, and glared at him. After a few seconds, Itachi let go of Kisame and started saying things. I didn't understand what he was saying, but I had a strong feeling he was swearing. I looked at them and saw BIG differences. Zetsu was no longer black and white and he didn't have his Venus flytrap thing either. He looked like a normal person. And Kisame wasn't blue anymore and he didn't have his sword. "You guys are normal now!" I said, looking at everyone. They just stared at me. "Do any of you speak English?" I asked, hoping for a miracle. "Sure we do. It's one of the most known languages." Pein said. "Ok. Good. Now- Hidan!! Don't!" I yelled, grabbing Hidan's hand. He was about to stab himself. "Hidan, in my world, Jashin doesn't exist. If you get stabbed, you bleed and you don't heal. And you're not immortal." I explained.

"Fuck! Why should I listen to you, bitch?" he said. "Because this is my house, motha fucka! And if you don't like it, you can get the fuck out!" I said, my patience running thin. Hidan turned to walk out of my room. "No. Don't. If anyone sees you, we'll all be in deep crap." I said, standing in front of my door. "WHAT THE HELL, UN?!" Deidara said, looking at his hands. "People in my world don't have mouths on their hands." I said. "B-But this means I can't blow stuff up. MY ART, UN!" he said, sitting on my bed. "HA! See? What you believe to be "art" doesn't even exist here." Sasori said. "Sasori, your human now, and your puppets don't exist either. Our puppets are entertainment for children, not weapons of mass destruction." I explained. Sasori pouted a little and Deidara laughed and said, "Ha! You entertain children, un!" "Umm… what's your name?" Konan asked. "Oh! I-I'm Maddie." I stumbled, almost forgetting my own name. "Ok, Maddie, how did we get here?" she asked. "How am I supposed to know? I'm 15. I don't even know what I want to do with my life." I said. "You don't know what you want yet?" Tobi asked, looking at me weird. I took his mask off and said, "Yeah. See, kids and teens here go to school. It's like ninja academy, but we're there till we're 18. Then we can choose if we want to learn more." I explained. "Wow. How pointless." Kisame said. "Well, our world is bigger then yours. And there's a lot more things here." I said.

Just then, the phone rang. "Ok, stay here." I told them. I ran to my sister's room and dove for the phone. "Hello?" I answered. "Yeah, hey Maddie." It was my BFF, Andrea. "Oh. Hey, Andrea!" "Hey, you're going to Jessie's party, right?" "Yeah." "Good. Cause I'm going to need some help. See, there's-" "This guy. And you can't stop thinking about him. And you know you've said this before, but you really do love him." I said. Andrea is my BFFL, and she's great and all, but she's a little boy crazy. Ok, a lot boy crazy. "Ha ha! You know me well." She laughed. "I should. I've known you since elementary." "Yeah. The simple days." "Yeah. 'K, I know you're not going to believe this but… Akatsuki is in my bedroom." "Huh?" Andrea isn't really a HUGE anime fan, but I'm converting her. "The Akatsuki. From Naruto." "Maddie, are you ok?" "No! The frickin' Akatsuki is in my bedroom! Andrea, I've lost it!" "Ok, calm down. I'm coming over." "'K. See ya." "See ya." She said and hung up.

I sighed and walked to my bedroom. "Hey, guys? My friend is- oh shit." I cursed when I didn't see them. I ran downstairs to the kitchen and guess what I saw. 10 people digging through my fridge and cupboards. "Don't eat all my food!" I said, my voice an octave higher then normal. That happens when I start to worry. And my stomach does back flips. "What? We were hungry." Deidara said, his mouth full. "Careful, you'll choke if you keep stuffing your faces." I warned them. Konan squealed and yelled, "CHOCOLATE!" "Hey! Don't touch my chocolate!" I said. She took a piece and popped it in her mouth, moaning happily. "'Ight, guys. A friend of mine is coming over. Please, if you all are real, don't be a pain." I said and rubbed my temples. They all nod and keep eating. _What if they eat all the food? How am I going to explain that to Kathleen? She'll kill me. _I thought. Kathleen, my sister, is nice, but I don't know how she would react if I told her 10 imaginary characters ate all our food.

There was a knock at the door. "Hey, Andrea!" I said, pulling her into a hug. "Hey, Maddie." She said, hugging back, "Here's my… problem." I said, walking to the kitchen. "Maddie, why are there 9 guys are your kitchen?" Andrea asked. "That is the Akat- Wait. 9 guys? Where's Konan?" I asked, looking around. "Went to go find paper." Sasori said. "She's still in the house though, right?" I said. They nodded and then I said, "Good. So, this is the Akatsuki." "Wow, lots of guys. When did they get here?" Andrea asked. "A few minutes ago. I really need your help." I said, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Mmm… Okay. But first, they need better clothes." She said, looking at the guys. "What's wrong with our clothes?" Itachi asked. "Practically everything. 'K, get rid of those robes." Andrea said, putting her hands on her hips. The guys take off their robes and drop them on the floor. "Ok, you're going to have to change EVERYTHING." Andrea said. "Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!" I squealed.


	2. Chapter 2

**(Writer's Notes: Andrea is actually my bff in real life. I love you, Andrea!! Thanks for being in my story!!)**

"Ok, we have to find some way to get them to the mall." Andrea said, tapping her cheek. "Yeah… They need some "ok" clothes. Maybe we can edit the clothes they're wearing now." I suggested. "I like it. Let's do that." She said. At first, the guys were opposed to it, but after 2 minutes of convincing, (and 1 minute of swearing, mainly from Hidan), they agreed. After 10 minutes, we were finished. "What are you doing?" Konan asked. "Making them over." Andrea said, making the finishing touches on Tobi. "I'll give you some of my clothes." I said, running to my room. I grabbed a T-shirt and a pair of faded jeans and ran back downstairs. "Here. You can change in my room." I said, giving Konan the clothes. She nodded and went to my room. "You guys look pimpin'" Andrea said, looking at her masterpiece. "Yeah. Now we need to get them to the mall." I said. Andrea grabbed her jacket and I grabbed mine. Konan came back downstairs. "'K, Let's go." Andrea said. "Wait. We need to make sure they don't look like themselves." I said. "Huh? We already changed their clothes." "That's fine. We should do something more though." I said, thinking. "Give 'em hats and junk?" Andrea suggested. "Perfect." I said. We gave them some hats; ruffled some hair, and then they were good.

So, we left for the mall. "Tobi, stay with the group." I said, looking over my shoulder. "Orange, you have to have your hat on a slant." Andrea said, looking at Pein. "It's gotta be gansta." She said, slanting his hat. He just rolls his eyes. "They are gonna scare the crap out of people." Andrea said to me. "Why?" Konan asked. "9 fully-grown guys in a group. That's 3 too many. They look like a frickin' gang. And then there's us. You're their age, so it's ok. But Andrea and I are 15. Not so okay." I said, watching the guys. "Where are we going?" Kisame asked. "The mall." Andrea answered. "Where's that?" Itachi asked. "It's about 5 minutes away. We're almost there." I said. "Why are we going, un?" Deidara asked. "You guys need new clothes." Andrea and I said in unison.

When we got to the mall, Tobi said, "It's so big! And there's so many people!" "Alright, everyone stay together and we might have a chance of getting out of here alive." I said. "Uh, Maddie? We're missin' Blondie." Andrea said, looking around. "Crap. Damn it, Deidara. Ok, Andrea. You take Pein, Kakuzu, Kisame, Tobi, and Konan. I'll take everyone else and try to find Deidara." I said. Andrea took her group and left. "Deidara?" I called, looking around. " I found him. He's with 2 girls." Sasori said, gently tapping my shoulder. "Thanks Sasori. Deidara! Come on!" I said, pulling Deidara's arm. "Fine, un. See ya, girls!" He said, giving a quick wave. "Bye, Dei!" the girls said, giggling and giving flirty waves. "Watch out for females. They could be fan girls." I said, pulling him back to the rest of my group. "Chill, it's all good, un." "You already got our lingo down. Wonderful." I said.

We met up with Andrea, who already had her shopping done and was working on my shopping. "Hey, Maddie! Hope you don't mind me getting some of your shopping done. I'm already done most of mine." She said, handing some clothes to Pein. "I'm cool with it. That's why I brought you!" I said, giving her a quick hug. "Cool, So, these are for Mr. Quiet. These are for blondie, these are for the redhead, these for the green haired guy, and these for the swearing guy." She said, handing me pile after pile of clothes.

"Cool. Now we just need to pay for 'em." I said, handing the guys their new clothes. "CREDIT CARDS!" Andrea and I squealed at the same time. We grabbed our groups and rushed to the check out. For Andrea's groups, it cost 200, and for my group, 250. "PIMPIN'!" we shouted, hugging each other.


	3. Dissing

**Once again, I don't own Naruto. Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. This story is completely fan-made and is in no way associated with Masashi Kishimoto.**

**(Authors Notes: Ok, this has got to be the funniest thing I've ever written. It was SO fun to write. And Andrea was over at my house cause we had just had a sleepover. So she was like, "Maddie, what are you writting?" and I was like, "Oh. Just a story. You're in this one." and she was like, "Well, can I read it?" and I nodded and handed it to her. And she burst out laughing! And she was like, "I love how you write exactly what I would do and say! This is BOMB!" Bomb. That's her word. And I was so excited. And so I said, "So, you like your little rant?" and she was like, " I LOVE my little rant!" haha! Yeah, I know this is kinda short, but whatever. Enjoy it anyway!! PS. I actually have a title for this chapter! YAY ME! !)**

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**Chapter 3: Dissing**

So, we all got back from the mall with no problems. "Tobi's bored!" Tobi whined, leaning against a wall. "Tobi, sit down and be a good boy. " I said.

"No, Hidan! Don't!" Andrea shouted, rushing over to Hidan. He was in the process of cutting his arm. "I have to pray." Hidan said. "You don't pray by cutting yourself! You're not fucking emo!" She said, trying to take the knife from him. "Fine, bitch. You can have it." Hidan said, letting go of the knife. "Oh, no you DI-IN'T!" Andrea said. "Oh, snap." I mumbled, putting a hand over my face.

"WATCH IT, MOTHERFUCKER!! I'LL KICK YOUR SKINNY WHITE ASS!" Andrea shouted at him.

"I'M NOT WHITE! I'M FUCKING JAPANESE!" Hidan shouted.

"WHATEVER! I'LL KICK YOUR SKINNY YELLOW ASS! FUCK!" Andrea screamed back at him, just about ready to punch him out.

"Andrea, just calm down. It's ok." I said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I'm ok. But that guy better not mess with me." Andrea said, taking a deep breath. Hidan just gaped at her, not believing a 15-year-old just told him off. "What's your name?" Kakuzu asked Andrea. "Andrea." She replied. "That was pretty awesome. You know, what you just did." Kakuzu said, a little smirk on his face. "Oh. Thanks." Andrea said, a little surprised by his compliment.

"So, what are we going to do with all these bags?" Sasori asked, looking at the many shopping bags. I looked through a few of them and dug out some clothes. "Here. You can change into these." I said, handing Sasori the clothes. Sasori started taking off his shirt so Andrea said, "No. You don't change here." Deidara snickers a little bit and hides a smirk. Sasori punched him in the shoulder. Deidara glared at Sasori and punched him back.

"Hey! Stop that!" Andrea said. I pulled back Deidara and she pulled back Sasori. "Redhead, go up to Maddie's room and change. Blondie, take these and go to Maddie's sister's room and change." Andrea commanded, giving Deidara some clothes. "My name is Sasori." Sasori said. "Whatever, Sosori." Andrea said, waving him away. Sasori rolled his eyes and went upstairs.

"And I'm not blondie. You wouldn't like it if I called you frizzy, un." Deidara said. "Shut up, Deidara." I said through clenched teeth. Andrea walked up to him and said, "I bet you don't even know my name." "Shows what you know, ANDREA" Deidara said, glaring at her. Andrea moved in so her face was only inches from his. Deidara just glared back at her. Andrea stood on her tiptoes so she was face to face with him. Deidara stood up taller so he was almost a foot taller then her. "Don't be hatin' just cause I'm vertically challenged. Maddie, tell DEIDARA to stop towering over me." Andrea said, putting her hands on her hips.

"Alright, stop it you two. Deidara, come on. I'll show you to my sister's room." I said, taking his hand and pulling him upstairs.

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	4. Explanations

**There were S-Rank Criminals in My Kitchen**

**Chapter 4  
**

I pulled Deidara upstairs to my sister's room, pushed him in then said, "Ok, be quick. And don't touch any of my sister's stuff." Then closed the door and walked back downstairs.

"He looks like a girl anyway!" Andrea said, pacing back and forth in the kitchen.

"Andrea, you were lucky with Hidan, but these guys aren't going to let you walk all over them." I said, coming into the kitchen. Andrea shrugs it off and keeps handing out clothes.

After everyone was changed, Andrea and I brought everyone downstairs to the living room

"Why are these damn pants so low? My ass is hanging out!" Kisame asked, pulling up his pants. "This shirt is too baggy!" Zetsu complained, pulling at his shirt. "Stop complaining. Damn, you guys are acting like Maddie and I are torturing you." Andrea said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Hey. You guys look awesome." Konan said, coming from upstairs. The guys turned to her and gaped. She was wearing dark wash jeans and a low-cut black tee with a blue tank top underneath. "Konan, you're a girl." Itachi stated, looking at her with new eyes. "No duh, idiot." Konan said, crossing her arms. "Yeah. You have curves, un." Deidara said, looking her up and down. Konan blushed and walked over to Andrea and I. "Now doesn't she look awesome?" Andre said, more telling then asking. The guys nodded slowly.

"Ok, now you guys look normal. Yes, Deidara?" I said when he raised his hand slightly. "If something doesn't blow up soon, I'm gonna go crazy, un." He said in a matter-of-fact tone. I sighed, turned on the TV and switched it to Spike. Luckily, they had a "20 biggest explosions!" marathon on. "Cooooooooooool." Deidara mumbled, staring at the TV. I tossed Zetsu a piece of meat that I found in the fridge. He smirked and ripped the flesh apart with his teeth. "I need some paper." Konan said. So, Andrea gave her some.

"Man, taking care of characters is hard work." Andrea mumbled. "Characters? What do you mean by that?" Pein asked. "Ok. All of you are imaginary characters created by Masashi Kishimoto. You're in a TV show called, "Naruto"" I explained. "Naruto? Isn't that the Kyuubi kid?" Kisame asked. "Yep. He's the main character. You guys are the evil villains." Andrea said. "Cool. We're evil." Zetsu said. "I don't believe you. We're gonna need some proof." Pein said. I sighed and said, "Alright. Come with me." I took them to the computer room and found one of the Naruto Shippuuden episodes. Andrea had to drag Deidara by the ear to get him away from the TV.

I picked the episode where Deidara fought Gaara. "Holy shit! That's what happened, un!" Deidara said, watching the computer screen intently. "I think she's telling the truth." Sasori said. Pein moved out of the room and motioned for the rest of the members to come too.

"What do you think they're saying?" Andrea asked, watching the 10 people in a tight circle.

"I don't know. Maybe they're planning on killing us and taking over our world." I said blankly.

"Maddie, you're crazy." Andrea said. Then Pein came up to us and said, "Ok. We believe you for now." "You should! Maddie is working her ass off trying to keep you guys out of trouble!" Andrea said. "It's cool. Don't worry about him." I said. "Tobi wants to play outside!" Tobi whined. "Tobi shut the fuck up." Andrea said. "Finally, un! Someone said it." Deidara said.

"Ok, I guess you could play outside. But there are some rules. 1: You can't talk in third person. 2: You have to stay in my yard. And 3: Don't talk to anyone. They could be fan girls. And if they are, they will know it's you." I said. "Fan…girls?" Itachi asked. I sighed and said, "You guys have a lot to learn."


End file.
